Smile Smile By Erin

Disclaimer: If I owned 'Roswell,' would I be writing fan fiction? (I don't own the song 'Smile,' either. The version that I've found is sang by Charlie Chaplin. ) Also, there are a few lines that mirror lines from the show. (:

Dedication: This one goes to Billy, who made the CD that I'm listening to. Why? Because he's cool, even if he didn't want to go out with me on Saturday...

Author's Note: It's been a long week and I've been writing on this for a long time, but finally finished this earlier today. Enjoy... (and tell me what you think!)

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The rain began to fall as I was driving home, all alone, in my car.

Rain has always been symbolic for us, or at least I've always perceived it to be.

The first night he really opened up to me, it was raining.

The rain washed his tears away when he came to me, just wanting someone to accept him and comfort him without any questions.

I did that.

And now that he has opened up to someone else, it's raining.

Surprise.

So now, the rain is here to wash my tears away.

But this rain can't last a lifetime, unfortunately, and I'm going to be left to wallow in my sorrows without it and without someone to wipe my tears away.

Now that it's over, I just can't bring myself to face the truth.

* * * * *

"Mom, I'm home!" she choked between sobs as she walked in the kitchen door.

"Maria?" her mom poked her head around the corner to find her daughter slowly walking across the kitchen towards her bedroom with tears streaming down her face. "What happened, honey?" she asked with concern.

Maria shook her head and kept in line with her bedroom door. If she could just make it past her mom, she'd be free to go and cry herself to sleep.

"Was it that Michael boy?" Amy cautiously questioned.

Maria looked up from the floor and met her eyes. And she nodded very slowly and fresh tears streamed down her already tear-stained face.

Her mother crossed the kitchen in three swift steps and wrapped her arms around her heartbroken daughter. "I'm so sorry, Maria. I'm so sorry," she whispered into her long blonde hair.

"I'm..." Maria's voice cracked, "I'm just gonna go back into my room. Would you happen to know where the grief relief is?"

Amy cracked a grin. "Now you know that grief relief isn't going to help you when you're this troubled. What about we sit down and talk over ice cream?"

Maria shook her head. "I'm not feeling up to it," she explained, the tears subsiding a little bit.

"I don't believe that, either. C'mon, Maria. We even have peppermint, your favorite," she persuaded, trying to convince her daughter to spent a little time with her, sharing her troubles. Hell, who knew how she could be helped if they didn't know why she was so heartbroken?

Maria turned her back on her mother and continued her trek to her room. Right before she reached for the doorknob, she turned around. "What flavor did you say?" she asked slowly, a grin cracking on her face.

"Peppermint!" Amy exclaimed and ran to the freezer, swinging the door open and grabbing the ice cream tub and two spoons from the drawer next to it, waving it in the air.

"All right, all right. We'll talk over ice cream," Maria finally agreed, striding across the room towards her mother and the ice cream.

Her mother handed her a spoon and they sat down together at the kitchen table.

"So, what did he do?" Amy asked, raising an eyebrow in question. She had never seen her daughter this upset over a boy since... ever.

"Mom, I don't know if I'm going to be able to talk about it," Maria said slowly, plunging another spoonful of ice cream in her mouth.

"We agreed that we'd talk over ice cream, Maria. And I might just be able to help you... I might have been in a situation like this before," she grinned.

"Yeah, I'm sure that you had an alien boyfriend who broke your heart because he had to be a 'stonewall' and then, he loved you too much," Maria mumbled under her breath.

"What was that?" Amy scooped another spoonful into her mouth, unable to hear what her daughter had just muttered.

"This afternoon, I found a picture of Michael in this girl's locker at work," she began, resting her spoon on the table as she talked.

"Really? Is he all right?" her mother asked, concern in her voice.

"Yeah, he's all right. Actually, he's terrific. I was worried about him, so I went all the way across town to save his ass and I get there, and...he's already there and so was Courtney... in a towel,"* and the tears began streaming down her face again.

"I told you that he would never make a good boyfriend, Maria," her mother chided gently, knowing that her daughter was in deep pain, even if she had been told many times that her mother didn't trust him or whatnot.

Maria nodded. "God, I didn't want to believe you, but when I was there and I saw the look of guilt on his face, I just felt so awful. And I know that there's no way that he can ever make this up to me. Ever," and she buried her head in her hands.

"I'm sorry, Maria, but I... I've never been in something like this, but I do know one thing that might help," she started, reaching around the table and patting her daughter's back.

"Nothing can help, mom. I'm never gonna get over him. And I'm not going to be able to look at him without crying because this time, he's broken my heart into a million pieces and I can't pick them all up, like all the times before. Mom..." she began, but soon noticed that her mom was scampering across the kitchen to their tape player.

Her mother put in a tape and began dancing around the room, humming softly.

"Really, mom, I appreciate your... help, but it's not gonna make me feel any better about myself or this whole thing," Maria sighed.

Amy smiled at her heartbroken daughter as she began singing.

"Smile though your heart is aching
Smile even though it's breaking
When there are clouds in the sky, you'll get by
If you smile through your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You'll see the sun come shining through for you...
"

"Mom, really," Maria protested, but her mother kept singing, dancing around the room and grabbed a spatula off the stove to use as a microphone.

"Smile, Maria!"

"Mom..." she grumbled, embarrassed that her mom was dancing around the kitchen like a teeny-bopper, trying to make her feel better.

And she chose this song, of all songs.

It was actually one of Maria's favorites. The first time she had heard it was in a movie and since then, she'd hummed it and actually performed it at the karaoke bar because she liked it so much.

And now, her mom was dancing around the kitchen singing to it.

Interesting...

"Light up your face with gladness
Hide every trace of sadness
Although a tear may be ever so near
That's the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what's the use of crying?
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile...
"

Maria sighed.

Her mother was not going to stop singing.

So she rolled her eyes as she joined in for the last verse, hoping that if she sang, her mom would shut up or at least spare her.

After all, it was one of her favorite songs.

"That's the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what's the use of crying?
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile...
"

When the song ended, Amy rushed across the kitchen and turned the tape player off, throwing down her 'microphone' on the counter and grinning like an idiot.

"How are you feeling now?" she asked as she crossed the room to sit down at the table across from her daughter.

"You want to know the truth?" Maria raised an eyebrow as she shoved another spoonful of peppermint ice cream into her awaiting mouth.

"Sure, why not?" Amy giggled as she reached for her spoon.

"I don't feel a bit better, really, but it was a good laugh. Thanks, mom," Maria sighed, dropping her spoon into the ice cream tub. "And I'm going to weigh, like, a thousand pounds tomorrow, so..."

"Well, I wasn't exactly going for that, but okay. You'll be all right. I mean, I'm sure that Michael is on his way over here to apologize to you right now."

"Whatever," Maria laughed bitterly. "He doesn't care about me, remember?"

"Well, as much as I've told you that he's a terrible boyfriend and an untrustworthy teenage boy, I've seen the way that he looks at you and I seriously doubt that he meant to hurt you, again, whatever the case was. And you never know, he might have a good reason to why he was over at her house and she was in a towel."

"Right..." she sighed, taking the empty ice cream tub from the kitchen table and putting it into the trash can. "I'm going to go to bed, mom. Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Maria," she called after her daughter and smiled. "Smile, Maria. I love you," she whispered as her daughter slammed the door to her room.

If only her daughter knew how much this Michael Guerin loved her, then maybe she'd smile.

* * * * *

Later that night, a knocking outside her window awakened Maria.

"Who the hell would come to my house at," she rolled over in bed to gaze at her alarm clock, "three a.m.?"

She groaned as she hoisted herself out of bed. "This had better be good," she muttered under her breath as she padded over to the window. "And if you're Michael Guerin, I'm going to kick your sorry ass all the way back to the planet that you came from."

There was another knock.

"I'm coming, I'm coming," she mumbled.

And another knock.

"All right! I'm here!" she exclaimed as she opened the window, not even looking out to see who her visitor was.

"Maria..." her visitor began as she saw who it was.

"Lizzie, what are you doing here?" Maria exclaimed, surprised.

"Your mom called a few hours ago," she grinned sheepishly, "and I couldn't sleep, so I figured you'd like some company... You know, to mourn the losses and to eat ice cream with and just to have fun with. Is that all right?"

"Oh, mom and I already did the ice cream thing, but sure, we can mourn the losses. What happened to you that would make you want to mourn?"

Liz sighed, "It's a long story. Why don't we sit down and I'll explain what's happened..."

Maria nodded. "I'll get the ice cream," she exclaimed with a grin.

"I'll get the spoons," Liz smiled as they ran into the dark kitchen together.

And the two best friends sat together on the bed, sharing their tears and sorrows and ears to the other over another tub of ice cream.

As they were falling asleep after hours of talking, Maria sighed as she realized that her mom could be right about the whole smiling thing and tomorrow being a better day.

Maybe if she did smile, everything would be okay in the end with Michael and everything else.

So she smiled at Lizzie, who was almost asleep, and began to sing softly to her heartbroken best friend,

"Smile though your heart is aching
Smile even though it's breaking
When there are clouds in the sky, you'll get by
If you smile through your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You'll see the sun come shining through for you...
"


The End