Her Heaven Her Heaven
By Erin

Disclaimer: If I owned 'Roswell,' would I be writing fan fiction? (I don't own the song 'Elsewhere' either. It's by Sarah McLachlan)

Dedication: To Joanne, who beta-ed for me and to my family, who let me leave the light on to finish writing this! AND to all those people that I promised fluff for.

Author's Note: I've been meaning to type this fic out for a *long* time (and I've also been meaning to write fluff, too), but I, unfortunatly, have evil teachers who assign tons and tons of homework, making it challenging for me to write during the week. So when my parents announced that we would be trekking down to a little town in MS, I took the notebook and got inspiration to finally write this! (sorry, I love babbling!)

Now on to the regularly scheduled fiction...

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The wind blew her hair back as she ran.

Running away from everything...

Everything that she loved.

Everything that she knew.

Running away was the easiest way to rid herself of the memories... the memories that were both painful and wonderful at the same time.

But she found that even though she was running from her problems, they were getting larger the further that she got from their source.

I love the time and in between
The calm inside me
in a place where I can breathe
I believe there is a distance I have wandered
to touch upon these years of
Reaching out
and reaching in
Holding out,
holding in


She had finally reached it... her favorite place as a child, where she loved to sit and think... and escape from the world every once in a while.

Even though she wasn't a child anymore, she reasoned that she could still possibly find comfort in a place that was always close to her heart.

The branches of the ancient oak tree reached out in all directions, almost like it was calling her to come into its arms and to find comfort there. The stream, running next to the tree, sparkled in the late afternoon light and it splashed and bubbled as it went past.

And like the child she once was, she slowly approached her favorite place and climbed into its strong arms, hoping that her spot would, even now, help calm her down and help her to think.

I believe this is heaven
to no one else but me
And I'll defend it as long as I can be
left here to linger in silence if I choose to...


This was her safe haven. She felt secure in the tree's sturdy branches.

It was her very own heaven.

And in her own heaven, she could think clearly and forget about all her worries, if only for a little while.

Her heaven was perfect, for no one else but her and she intended to keep it that way.

Not even her best friends knew that she came here to this spot when she needed to get away from everything.

And she was going to keep it her very own special place. No questions about it.

No one could ever understand her love for the peacefulness her spot offered.

I know this love is passing time
Passing through like liquid
I'm...
I'm drunk in my desire
I love the way your hands reach out and hold me near
I believe
I...


What she had done was completely wrong, but she tried to convince herself that what had happened was out of her control.

Even though that somewhere deep down inside told her that she was to blame, she denied the feeling.

If it was anyone's fault, it was as much his as it was hers.

But it was too late to play the blame game...

It was over and now, they would both have to deal with the consequences they hadn't thought about... together.

I believe this is heaven to no one else but me
And I'll defend it as long as I can be
left here to linger in silence if I choose to
Would you try to understand?


The wind rustled the ancient tree's leaves and she looked to the sky, praying that the answers she was so desperately seeking would suddenly fall out of the clouds.

She knew they wouldn't.

And they didn't.

But she was in her heaven, she scolded herself. In her heaven, answers could fall from the sky if she wanted them to.

And in her heaven, she added, all decisions would be simple.

And the choice that she made would always be right... no matter what.

Ooh... the quiet child awaits the day when she can break free
The mold that clings like desperation
Mother can't you see I've got my life to live?
The way I feel is right for me
might not be right for you,
but it's right for me


The wind blew, whipping her hair back and she shivered.

She looked back to the now pink, orange, yellow, and purple sky, her eyes filled with tears... tears of realization.

This choice that she had made was going to effect her for the rest of her life... whether or not she liked it.

There was movement below her and she wiped the tears from her eyes, sniffling, and then looked down to see her intruder.

It was he.

I believe this is heaven to no one else but me
And I'll defend it as long as I can be
left here to linger in silence if I choose to


"Hey," he said, shading his eyes from the sinking sun's last rays of light, avoiding looking directly in her eyes.

He stood in silence for a few minutes, gazing at her with question in his eyes.

He knew.

Finally, he climbed up the branches and sat next to her, their arms brushing together as he turned to face her, obviously trying to find words for what he was feeling at the moment.

She stared at the ground, suddenly becoming very interested in the dirt swirling around the tree trunk, unable to look into his eyes.

She would start to cry again if she did that.

His eyes had told her too much already and she wasn't sure if she would be able to take much more.

She finally got up the courage to turn her gaze from the ground to his dark eyes, brushing a loose strand of hair behind her ear.

She took a deep breath and closed her eyes in a silent prayer.

"I'm pregnant."

"I know," was all that he said.

This time, it was he who couldn't look at her.

How did he know?

Why didn't she tell him?

All of a sudden, waves of shame and guilt washed over her body.

"I..." she stuttered, tears welling up, once again, in her eyes, "I'm sorry."

He looked up from his gaze at the ground straight into her shining eyes.

"Shh..." he chided, getting lost in her emerald eyes depths.

Unable to speak, she turned her gaze to the moon rising in the east, shedding its light to all who stood beneath it.

He opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out.

Would you understand?
Would you try...?


Then, something happened that she would never forget.

He turned to her slowly and then cautiously wrapped his arms around her tiny frame, softly kissing her forehead.

"I love you."


The End